Monday, May 29, 2006

I'm so fat

Went to the movie theater for the first time in ages today (saw the third X-Men movie--which was a big blah, by the way), and noticed this rather amazing little concoction while waiting in the vicinity of the concession stand.

Let me set the scene: in the background, a startlingly fat little girl (maybe 3 years old) is playing a game projected on the floor; she stomps on digital popcorn, spiders, race cars, and so on. It looks like the most activity she's gotten in months.

Daphne and I are standing in line trying to decide what size popcorn to get.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice that one of the items on the menu is a giant pretzel in which is ensconced a glazed cinnamon roll. The entire thing is probably the size of a small frisbee. I feel a vague desire to retch.

I try to imagine the mindset that would create such a thing. "Let's see, I could buy this pretzel, and then buy this cinnamon roll, and eat them separately. OR, I could buy the pretzel-cinnamon-roll-colossus, and save myself the extra effort it takes to guide my fat fucking hand back into the bag to pull out the cinnamon roll once I'm done with the pretzel! Yeah! Pure genius!"

This is how the world will end. Not with a bang, but with a burp.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You may need to do a double-take at your screen, my old friend, but this is Don Michaels. I stumbled across our Beathovens tape the other day, decided to 'google' you, discovered the IJG site, and here I am. The wonders of the Internet. Glad to hear you are doing well. I think it's been about ten years since our last correspondance. If you get a chance, drop me a line: