Friday, August 28, 2009

Put Another Nickel In


The Oh-So-Polite Beg-a-Thon


As you may have heard, the Industrial Jazz Group is touring the east coast in October! Hoo-boy, we can hardly wait.

Of course, a journey like this (ten shows in as many days, all occurring many miles from our natural habitat) is hella-expensive. One might even say ridiculously, brain-crushingly expensive. Airfare, hotel lodging, musician fees, catering, pyrotechnics, personal trainers, wardrobe, masseuses, pet sitters, limousine service, extra TVs for the ones we plan to throw out of hotel windows, extra cars for the ones we plan to drive into hotel swimming pools -- damn, it all adds up!

(Okay, so I was just kidding about the last few items, there, but still -- damn, it all adds up!)

Consider: Airfare for 11 people, which will cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $3300. Artist fees for 15 people for 10 days, which should be somewhere in the neighborhood of $15,000 at least. Transportation for the tour, which will cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $5000. Add it up and pretty soon you're talking about real money!

You may have heard scuttlebutt here and there about the impending collapse of the music business, and of the jazz music business in particular. And while those rumors may or may not be true (we think they’re not!), and while there may or may not be an entirely new economy of music on the rise (we think there is!), we are realistic enough to recognize that we’re never going to sell more records than, say, the Jonas Brothers. (I know, four years ago we were making this joke about Christina Aguilera. Hey -- times change, but our humor is consistent!)

In any case, while we can keep this band going without ever being as big as the Jonas Brothers, we can’t keep it going without you. That truism has never been truer than now, as we’re about to launch the mother of all impossible independent tours. And so, in all seriousness and humility, we’re turning to you, dear IJG fans, to help us make the whole thing a little less, uh, painful, financially.

To wit: like many before us (and like ourselves in a simpler time), we have created a full-fledged fundraiser, where you can get stuff (some of it rather ridiculous, I know) and contribute on one of multiple levels, should you so desire.

All contributions are, of course, tax-deductible. And incidentally, if you find the listed gifts a little silly (can't say we blame you if that's the case), or if you find the listed amounts not to your liking, but you still want to contribute, that's totally cool! We'd be grateful for anything you are willing to give. If you want to pass on the gifts, just let us know.

Please note too that there is a PayPal button at the top and bottom of the fundraiser details list (below). To contribute, click either button, enter the desired amount, and you're good to go. (You need not have a PayPal account to contribute.)

And please accept our undying gratitude in advance!






Industrial Jazz Group 2009 Fundraiser



==> Donate $1, and get an IJG-themed postcard, with a short handwritten “thank you” message from Durkin.

==> Donate $5, and get a fun pack of 3 IJG bumper stickers.

==> Donate $7, and get a high five from the whole band the next time you see us in concert.

==> Donate $10, and get a copy of the new CD when it comes out in 2010.

==> Donate $15, and get a copy of the new CD, plus a shout-out from the stage during our next concert (e.g., “Thanks to the great Joe Blow for helping us get here!”).

==> Donate $17.50, and get a copy of the new CD, plus a batch of homemade maple bacon cookies baked by Jill Knapp.

==> Donate $20, and get a copy of the new CD, plus a photo with the whole group the next time you see us in concert.

==> Donate $25, and get a copy of the new CD, plus a batch of the best chocolate chip cookies you will ever eat in your life made just for you by Butler On Demand.

==> Donate $30, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, plus an IJG T-Shirt of your choosing.

==> Donate $50, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the IJG T-Shirt of your choosing, plus a bit part in our next music video. (You have seen our music videos, haven’t you?)

==> Donate $75, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the IJG T-Shirt of your choosing, the bit part, plus a custom-made hula hoop created by Tailspin Hoops.

==> Donate $100, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the IJG T-Shirt of your choosing, the bit part, plus a personal “thank you” message included in the liner notes of the album. (E.g., “Thanks for helping us finance our last tour, Joe Blow! You rock!”)

==> Donate $150, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the IJG T-Shirt of your choosing, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a custom two-minute poem written and performed by IJG trombonist Mike Richardson, on a subject of your choice. Mike will call you and recite this poem, which will be dedicated to you, and published on the band website.

==> Donate $200, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the IJG T-Shirt of your choosing, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a 30-second musical answering machine message, with music by Durkin, and performed by the IJG singer of your choice. You provide the text of the message (”Hi, this is Joe Blow, I’m not home right now,” etc.), we will provide you with a recording of the piece, which you can then use for whatever you like.

==> Donate $350, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a gift pack of 10 custom T-shirts, featuring Industrial Jazz Group song titles of your choosing, with colors of your choosing (as long as they’re in stock).

==> Donate $400, and get a the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a signed print of one of Jill Knapp’s infamous “Hello Chicken,” “Hello Ninja,” or “Hello Bacon” paintings.

==> Donate $500, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a customized, hand-made, signed, single page expression of gratitude from every musician who appears on the album (all 16 of them!). Each bandmembers’ page will consist of text, a drawing, a painting, or some other visually-communicated personal message expressing two ideas: 1. How grateful we are for your support, and 2. How incredibly awesome you are.

==> Donate $600, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus an original painting by artist Douglass Truth, based on a mutually agreed-upon IJG song title. The painting will be on 24″ x 18″ canvas, and will be completed by the end of the year. (Dig some of Douglass’s work here.)

==> Donate $1000, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a recording of a two-minute original Durkin piece (instrumental or vocal), written for you, with a title and subject of your choosing, and featuring four members of the group. (Note: this option, and the other song options, are good for things like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc.)

==> Donate $1250, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a recording of a four-minute original Durkin piece (instrumental or vocal), written for you, with a title and subject of your choosing, featuring six members of the group.

==> Donate $1500, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus IJG bassist Oliver Newell will come to your next party and dance. Fine print: this offer is contingent upon Oliver’s schedule. “Party” is defined as an event lasting no more than 5 hours. Oliver will determine how much of that will actually be spent dancing – but if the music is good it will probably end up being a long time. If outside of the LA area, you must also provide Oliver with a plane ticket and place to stay for the night.

==> Donate $2000, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus dinner at Applebee’s with the entire band, in Los Angeles, during our next SoCal tour (Spring, 2010). What you do after dinner at Applebee’s is entirely up to you.

==> Donate $5000, and get the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus a three minute, bethonged dance from Mike Richardson, accompanied by a plaintive version of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” played by one IJG member of your choosing. Fine print: this offer is contingent upon Mike’s schedule, and the schedule of his accompanist. “Bethonged dance” is defined as a personal dance meant to entertain, but without any physical contact. If outside of the LA area, you must also provide Mike and his accompanist with a plane ticket and a place to stay for the night.

==> Donate $50,000, and get a copy of the new CD, the high five, the shout-out, the photo, the bit part, the personal liner note “thank you,” plus my Volvo Station Wagon, a historic vehicle which was used in seven IJG tours on the west coast (and which still displays some of the wear and tear from same).





3 comments:

Jeff Albert said...

Wow, a Richardson poem. That is very tempting, you know how I love his work. I do love Jill's voice, I bet she makes great cookies. I've always wanted a Volvo wagon. Such tough decisions.

Survive Unemployment said...

I wish I could chip in, but rent's going to eat up what little I have in a couple days. Good luck.

Is there a tour schedule? Maybe I could see a show when you're in New York. That would help a little, right?

Andrew Durkin... said...

Thanks for the comments!

SU -- yes, there is a link to the schedule at the very top of this post. We're playing in Brooklyn on Oct 19 (at the Bell House). We're also in Staten Island on Oct 17, and Jersey City on Oct 22. Hope to see you!