Wednesday, June 11, 2008

While looking for a gig yesterday...

...I wondered: is Craig's List so entertaining in other cities?

It started simply enough:

this is not a joke ive been egg shaking for over 17 years im the fucking jimi hendrix of egg shaking if ur bands looking for that right sound e-mail me im down for going on tour and taking your band to the top,recording, but i can also shred and solo, something not alot of wanna be egg shakers can do. i look forward to hearing from you my influences are slayer,slipknot,megadeth, cannible corpse, id like to join a serious metal band

But it soon evolved into an extended parody of the CL's musician page:

Professional DOUBLE Egg Shaker.

I'm an Egg Shaker, n' damn good too. I've played Egg with Curtis Salgado and lots a guys that worked with Dianna Ross. My forte is double Egg Shakin'...that's one (1) in each hand. I can go from Zep to Allman Brother's to Karen Carpenter, Kenny G; I've even done country (resume on request). 'Death Metal' egg shakin' isn't a true form of the art, I don't care what they's too damn hard ta' stay on top a' the beat, n' that's what egg shakin' is all about. Sure, you'll find other egg shakers in town, but if ya want the best (resume on request), call me first. I play two (2!) eggs at once!

Seeking Qualified Egg-Shaking Teacher.

I am an aspiring egg shaker seeking a QUALIFIED teacher. My last teacher was showing me the modes, but I'm just a beginner! Is there an egg-shaker-teacher who will travel to my home and teach me custom-made egg-shaking lessons? I don't have much money, so maybe we could exchange schnauzer-burnishing instruction for egg shaking lessons. Anyone between 20-35 (no older!) want to help?

Peace out.

Band Seeking FEMALE Egg Shaker.

We're a 2 piece band seeking a female egg shaker...sorry guys..females only. Our sound is somewhat emo/goth.
Leave your attitude at the door!
Must be willing to practice 3 times a week...touring will follow.

RE: Professional DOUBLE Egg Shaker.

I've had lots of inquiries, and I figure I should make something clear: No, I am not available for "touring"...I've got a wife and seven kids; I want to play with REAL people with REAL day jobs, and maybe just be in an egg shakin' band for weekend fun and to make some cash ($). My technique as a "double" egg shaker means I use two (2) hands ala Eddie Van Halen (I've been two-hand egg tapping since the first time I heard his "Eruption" solo), but this doesn't prevent me from working the lounge circuit, 'cuz I can do the Stanley Jorden stuff too ("Yesterday" "On The Wings of a Dove"), classics, ballads, REAL name it. Serious only! (Please be over 21 and not any older than 23, or 24 maybe)

RE: Professional DOUBLE Egg Shaker.

Whatever dude! Sitting at home posting on CL all day that you are a PRO does not make you one. Just cause you played an open mic one time where someone bought you a donut doesn't make you PRO. Get a life and go practice!!

But, if there is someone out there serious about needing an egg shaker that REALLY is pro and can play all styles from afro-cuban to baroque, look me up. I only play paying gigs so don't bother with "we're gonna be huge" crap. I show up, you give me the sheet music, I play, you pay me. I might consider rehearsing once if the gig is at the Schnitz or Old Nob Hill Pharmacy.

I also can color coordinate with your costumes for an additional fee.

RE: Professional DOUBLE Egg Shaker.

I’ve sent you half a dozen e-mails and left several voice messages but I can’t seem to get through to you. We’ve got a paying gig on Saturday and my regular egg shaker guy dropped out of the band last minute. The gig is from 7pm to 2am and pays $25 plus 50% off food and drinks. It would be great if you could practice with us every night this week until you learn all the songs. We’re a punk, metal, country, polka group that performs primarily original music. We do a lot of obscure time signatures (2/4 3/4 & 4/4) so I hope that this is within you professional capabilities.

Please get back to me ASAP.

Need sheet music for egg shaker.

I am looking for sheet music for egg shaker for these pieces:

24 Caprices for Solo Egg Shaker by Paganini
Sonata for violin, guitar and egg shaker in A major by Paganini
Stairway To Heaven tab for egg shaker
Foxy Lady tab for egg shaker
Charlie Parker Omnibus for egg shaker (Bb egg shaker instruments)

Also, does anyone know if Korg makes a tuner for egg shaker? Or will the Korg guitar tuner work?

I also have a used egg shaker for sale. These things go for up to $3.99 on Ebay. I'll let it go for $2.99. I'll even throw in a hardshell case. :)

Thanks in advance.

Now back to practice.

***End Egg-pression*** one musician at a time.

For centuries the beautiful and sacred blessing from goddess that is the egg has been desecrated and defiled by oppressive anti-egg culture. Closely linked with the destruction of nature and the systematic psychological enslavement of egg-bearing females, the encouragement of this insidious "egg-shaking" must be stopped. In some cities, children as young as 2 years old are encouraged to shake an egg filled with sand or small rocks--an egg robbed of the gift of its little chicken life, its soul literally sucked out by nasty egg-sucking egg-shakers!

Stop the madness! Free the majestic egg!

MARCH TO END EGG-OPPRESSION, begins this Saturday at Pioneer Square in downtown PDX--just follow the smell of chickenshit to find us.

egg shakers are not that entertaining.

what the hell are all the ridiculous egg shaker posts all about? what the hell is so damn funny about egg shakers? I am all about posting whatever you want in this forum but the egg shaker crap is not funny and just annoying.


Former egg shaker now available or WORKING band. I now shake a mean chicken. Sure, I still play the eggs once in awhile, but it seems like egg shakers are a dime a' dozen these days, so I started to specialize in chicken shakin' instead. Mostly old-school funk stuff, Jaco, Marcus Miller...but I can pocket-down with the James Jamerson stuff too.

I'm kinda old now, but I've got lots of experience and great contacts. Plus, I sing! That's right...a singin' Chicken shakin', multi-taskin' groove-slammin' "team" player.

And on and on. Most have been flagged and removed by now, alas. (Or thankfully, depending on your perspective.)


DJA said...

The internet hasn't so much blurred the line between sincerity and parodic performance art as it has completely disintegrated it in a giant vat of hydrochloric irony.

Matt said...

I play the egg-shaker in Robert Fripp's New Standard Tuning. Looking for other NST egg-shakers to form League of Crappy Egg-Shakers.

Discipline is not an egg in itself, but only a means to an egg.