Below are the results of my first week of practice (apologies for the un-centered quality of the first half of this video):
What can I say? Those German music teachers are pretty strict. In case you couldn't read it, here's the text of my evaluation:
Almost music. You are holding the Cello with the right side up. And you don't try to blow into it. The rest will be a breeze. Follow your musical instincts. And try again.
Does that mean Camille Saint-Saëns won?
(Thanks to Music Is Not for Insects for the link.)